


This Love

by Bombay



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4618776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bombay/pseuds/Bombay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai is having a bad night and Kurogane thinks things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Love

Fai doesn't let his mask fall. Not around the kids.

Kurogane sees the facade, he always has. From the first time he saw him, there was always something off, something hidden, just the slightest discrepancy between his smile and his eyes in the brief moment before he closed them. Kurogane knew, because Fai was shrewd and observant, and people just didn't get to be that way without shit going down somewhere. 

But the mask slips, just a little, around Kurogane.

It didn't, at first. Fai was determined to keep them all out. But little by little, in the moments they had away from Sakura and Syaoran, the smile faltered, the eyes went dark. And suddenly, painfully, Kurogane understood what Tomoyo must have seen in him in those moments when he couldn't distract himself. 

The mask slipped, just a little bit, and Kurogane understood.

Fai still keeps it up, even now, and Kurogane doesn't mind - not as much as he lets on. It's Fai's way of saying he can deal, he is dealing, and everything is okay for now. Because he wants to be okay, for Sakura, for Syaoran. Because otherwise they'll worry too much and forget about themselves and their own needs, and Fai knows he can't let that happen. And he wants to be okay for Kurogane, too, but he can't keep up the lie that he is, not at night when it's just the two of them. 

Kurogane doesn't ask what's wrong. If Fai wants to talk, he'll talk. But there's no mask between them anymore. Fai's melancholic face is hard for Kurogane to look at, but he takes solace in the fact that it's the truth, that Fai doesn't hide anything from him anymore, not even these moments of unfixable pain. So Kurogane pours them both sake as Fai sags heavily against his right side. He shifts to gently ruffle Fai's hair, quietly enjoying Fai's warmth and the softness of his fine hair. Fai feels so small underneath his hand in these moments, and Kurogane has to resist the urge to gather him up in his arms...if for no other reason than Fai would no doubt tease him about it later. 

But when Fai presses his face against Kurogane's shoulder and shakes just slightly, Kurogane puts his cup down and pulls Fai into his lap. Fai grips at Kurogane's robes and buries his face in his shoulder, his body shuddering as it habitually fought against this moment of vulnerability.

Kurogane runs his fingers through Fai's hair, hoping his body can convey all the reassurances he doesn't know how to say. He doesn't feel like he's very good at this part - he doesn't like repeating himself, and even just saying "it's okay" feels like a lie. So he stays quiet and lets this run its course, because he knows, eventually... 

Fai's shudders become less frequent, and soon after he lifts his head. "Ah...I made a mess..." he says sheepishly, rubbing at the corner of his eye with a sleeve.

"Don't worry about it," Kurogane replies in a way that's more of an order than a platitude. Fai gives a quiet chuckle because it's just what he expected, and his smile widens when Kurogane wipes tears from Fai's cheek with his thumb. 

"Ah, sorry..."

"Having emotions is nothing to be sorry for." 

"No, I mean..." Fai sighs and rests his forehead on Kurogane's shoulder. "You do so much for me," he says softly. "I feel like I don't do enough for you in return." 

Kurogane stares at him for a moment. It didn't even cross his mind that Fai should be doing anything more than what he has been, and he realizes in that moment that it's because Fai has done so much for him just by _being Fai_ that the only thing he desperately, selfishly wants is to keep him around for as long as possible.

But he doesn't know how to say this, so he coaxes Fai's head up by the chin and kisses him instead.


End file.
